The beginning of a new year marks a new start. Many of us set resolutions and ambitious goals for the year ahead, I will lose weight, I will start the gym, I will quit smoking, I will save money, I will become a better person!We begin decisively and enthusiastically, ready to meet our new selves as soon as we recover from the New Year’s celebration. But usually… somewhere around mid to late January, we’re already tired and discouraged and end up giving up, either because of the effort required to commit to our resolutions, or because of the pressure to meet these mountain-sized goals.

All these resolutions have one ultimate aim, to feel better about ourselves and improve our lives. So let’s see how we can approach this goal differently and, most importantly, successfully. Below you’ll find 5 “alternative” resolutions you can set for the new year and actually keep.

1. Be less critical of yourself.

We all have an inner critic that helps us take responsibility for our mistakes, shift perspective, gain insight into our situation, and change dysfunctional behavior.But often, our inner critic becomes excessively harsh and rigid, focusing on our flaws and ignoring our strengths, trapping us consciously or unconsciously in a self-punishing stance.

Understand and accept that no one is perfect, and it is unrealistic and impossible to demand perfection from yourself.Ask yourself, if someone I love were in my position, how would I talk to them? Then try to speak to yourself in that same way.

2. Listen more attentively to the person you’re talking to.

Many communication problems with others, whether with family, friends, or partners, stem from not giving enough time and attention to truly hear what the other person is trying to say.Try listening to your conversation partner without interrupting, without thinking of other things, without judging, and without rushing to give advice.Notice how quickly your communication improves when the other person feels genuinely heard.

3. Learn to say “no.”

Saying no can feel difficult, uncomfortable, and complicated.Often, we don’t want to disappoint or hurt others, so we commit to activities we don’t actually want to do, ending up stressed and emotionally drained.We may feel pressured to explain our reasons for saying no, which creates even more pressure.

Setting boundaries is an essential form of self-care, and you don’t need to justify it.

Especially in cases of harassment or coercion, “no” is a complete sentence.

4. Take responsibility.

When we believe that other people are responsible for everything we feel and for all our problems, we place ourselves in the role of the eternal victim, powerless to change anything, because we cannot change others.Responsibility may feel uncomfortable at first, but taking it means we are not at the mercy of other people’s decisions and behaviors, we have the power and control to change our situation.

Taking responsibility does not mean blaming yourself. It is important to understand that you always did what you thought was best at the time.Now that you know something better, you can change it, there is no benefit in judging your past self with the knowledge of your present self.

5. Remind yourself every day of 3 things you are grateful for.

They may seem small or obvious, but the truth is that small things are not small at all.You may be grateful for having a home, food, friends, family, your health, or anything else.Things that make you happy, improve your life, or even difficult experiences that taught you something and helped you live more meaningfully.Even if you don’t have everything you want, there are likely things you can feel grateful for.

Find a moment during the day and say them out loud to yourself, or write them down and revisit them often.Look around you and notice your life and the world. See how fortunate you are.

And if you see that you can’t keep these, or any other resolutions you set, go back to number 1.

Maybe it’s not the right time, maybe you’re not ready yet. That is completely normal and human, and there is absolutely no reason to punish yourself for it.