When "Rose-Colored Glasses" Hide the Truth: Why Do We Ignore Red Flags at the Start of a Relationship?

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There is a line from the series BoJack Horseman that went viral for all the right reasons. It says:

"When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."

How many times have you looked back at a relationship and wondered: "How on earth did I not see that from the beginning? It was right in front of my eyes!"

The truth is, most of the time, you did see it. You simply (unconsciously) chose not to translate it as danger. But why does this happen? Why does our mind choose to "blind" us exactly when we need to be most careful?

1. The Chemistry of "Blindness" (The Honeymoon Phase)

At the beginning of a relationship, our brain is literally "high." We are flooded with dopamine and oxytocin, hormones that create euphoria and bonding.

This chemical state serves an evolutionary purpose: to bond us with a mate. However, it has a side effect: it inhibits critical thinking. When you see a behavior that would normally annoy you (e.g., rudeness to a waiter, last-minute cancellations, belittling you "as a joke"), the brain in love automatically justifies it: "He's just spontaneous," "She's stressed at work," "He's just being brutally honest."

2. Falling in Love with Potential, Not Reality

This is perhaps the most common mistake. We meet someone, and instead of seeing who they are now, we see who they could be if they just tried a little harder.

This is called Projection. We project our own desires and needs onto the other person. A Red Flag (e.g., emotional instability) is translated as a "wounded soul that I will heal." Unfortunately, our love is rarely enough to change someone who does not want to change themselves.

3. The Fear of Loneliness

When we deeply believe that "there are no good partners out there" or that "this is my last chance," the bar lowers dramatically.

The subconscious makes a quick calculation: Better with these Red Flags than alone. This scarcity mindset makes us tolerate behaviors that, under other circumstances, would be grounds for breaking up on the first date.

4. Familiarity Feels "Safe" (Even If It Hurts)

If you grew up in an environment where love was unstable, critical, or chaotic, then a Red Flag in a new partner might not register as "danger," but as... home.

In psychology, this is called Repetition Compulsion. You are attracted to what you know, even if what you know hurts you, because the unknown (a calm, healthy relationship) seems boring or terrifying.

How to Take Off the "Rose-Colored Glasses"

You don't need to become cynical, but you do need to be observant:

• The "Best Friend" Test: If your best friend told you their partner did exactly what you are experiencing, what would you advise them?

• Trust Your Body, Not Just Your Heart: The heart has its head in the clouds, but the body remembers. Do you feel a knot in your stomach? Is your heart racing out of anxiety rather than excitement? Your Gut Feeling is trying to tell you something your mind is ignoring.

• Look at Actions, Not Words: Words at the beginning are easy and free. Actions, however, reveal character.

Is it time to clear your vision?

Learning to distinguish Red Flags from simple human flaws is a skill that can be learned. If you feel you constantly fall into the same traps, therapy can help you understand why you wear these glasses and how to choose partners who can withstand the light of truth.

Book a trial session

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